The three of us sat at a small desk in the main hall. I knew what was coming - I was going to exclude their son for two days for violence towards staff; persistent disruption to learning; refusal to follow instructions; unsafe behaviour: all the codes.

We knew each other well enough and this was not the first time. We all managed pleasantries, but there were soon tears, and my words felt little more than platitudes. It was a bit easier because they were not angry with me, but there was a despondency that bound us together. They said they felt their son was not school-shaped. I nodded, but not in agreement. It occurred to me that it was I that should be despondent because our school was clearly not son-shaped.

In that moment I made a pledge to myself to build a child-shaped school.

My first job was to imagine what this would look like.